My Daughter Is Too Much Like Me—The Way I Used to Be

By: Shani Goodman

Dear Rabbi Taub:

Thank you for this new column and for giving us the opportunity to ask parenting questions. My question is as follows:
My seven-year-old daughter and I are very similar in nature, which means that we often clash even though we are generally both flexible, easy-going people who go with the flow.
Over the years, I’ve worked on myself in certain areas, especially with trying to be more patient. By contrast, my daughter doesn’t have patience for anything! It seems as if she inherited my former impatient nature. I can “see” my old self in her.
I also have no issue with being mevater. I’m always the first to say I’m sorry and admit that the other person is right, but my daughter cannot say that or consider that someone else’s opinion is valid.
I learned in seminary that when a person works on her middos, her children will inherit the worked-on middos. Does this mean that I haven’t worked hard enough? How do I deal with this issue?
Thanks. —R.S.


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